cleaning the mirror

I’ve been feeling out-of-body disassociated. A while ago I learned this concept of “cleaning the mirror” - that everyday the mirror is grimy and foggy and everyday we need practices to clean the mirror to be able to see ourselves clearly. Just like sustained exercise is needed to maintain strength and endurance, mental health practices are needed to feel whole and grounded continuously. If we don’t “clean the mirror” daily, we’ll forget what’s in our heart, what is true and real.

I used to be better about these practices when I was younger. I think I used to be more connected to my values and who I am deeply. I’d journal a lot. I wrote to help me sort things out in my head and my heart. Writing helped me return to my heart center. I used to review images and quotes that reminded me of who I am and who I want to be. I was super solid in what I believed about life and knew with conviction that I was on the right path. Now I question myself way more. Before, if I had a conflict with someone, I knew that if I acted according to my values then I was in the right. Now I know that what is “right” is so very subjective and contextual and this leads to me feeling insecure in my actions.

While I think there’s many different forms of knowing (and none are completely right or wrong) and this is an evolution in my understanding, I still believe in having solid values to stand on. This is what I’ve strayed from. I want to get back to really knowing who I am and what I believe. And staying true to that. But also holding that my values and “who I am” is so based on my upbringing, my genetics, my environment, and my privileged status in society. And that’s okay.

So I want to TRY to bring these grounding exercises back into my life - meditation ideally, exercise, yoga, and writing. This month I’m not drinking (alcohol) and not watching TV. I’ve been doing a lot of pottery and reading instead which I prefer. Maybe starting next month, I’ll dive into these practices and sort out a schedule that works to meet these needs.